Lip Gloss Addict

Sometimes it feels a bit futile to write about beauty when, you know, the world is what it is. At other times, it feels so insanely necessary to be distracted by things like glitter and perfume. I can spend just as much time being furious about climate change and women’s reproductive rights as I can reading Sephora reviews when I should be sleeping. I contain multitudes! So, before I launch into this mini-essay on the lip glosses that I adore, just know that every time I swipe a doe-foot applicator across my lips and stare vacantly at my own reflection, I’m probably thinking about how the rhinos are facing extinction.

As a child of the ‘90s and a tween and teen of the ‘00s, I was a devotee of the shiniest, stickiest glosses available to my pubescent self. When matte lips came into fashion, I quickly abandoned ship, attempting to make my lips look as dry and flat as possible. Beauty trends are weird like that. Eventually I realised I hated wearing lip colour in general, mainly because I eat so many burritos.

That said, a bare mouth isn’t cute with an otherwise fully beat face, so I explored my options. My first foray back into gloss was with a since-discontinued Smith & Cult line that I mostly fell for due to its incredibly sexy gold packaging. That gloss was hydrating but not sticky, sheer enough that my natural lip colour shone through and shiny enough that my lips looked like they’d met a kiss of Juvederm without any actual visit to a derm. I was hooked. Especially because gloss is far easier than a liquid lip to remove before sitting down with a burrito. I love convenience.

Over the years, I’ve tried countless glosses and I’ve been able to narrow down my absolute favourites. If you’re looking for The One (Gloss, that is), look no further than this list. Your pouty selfies will thank you.

Essence knows what’s up.

Best Cheap Thrill
Essence Shine Shine Shine Lipgloss in Behind the Scenes

Three dollars and ninety-nine cents. That’s how much this insanely shiny clear lip gloss costs in Canada. And it’s GOOD! It’s not at all sticky, in fact, it almost feels like a lip balm. It smells faintly sweet but not in a cloying way. Annnnnd it’s cruelty-free. Good luck finding a tube, though. It’s pretty much always sold out at every drug store I go to. Get chummy with the employees and have them call you when it comes in. Buy three.

Best Plumping
Colourpop So Juicy Plumping Gloss in Is A Habit

This one is also a cheapie at $7. I picked this shade, Is A Habit, because I was looking for a cruelty-free replacement to the red-toned Clarins Lip Oil. It’s a sheer, brick red that just slightly deepens and enhances the natural shade of my lips, with blinding, glass-like shine. This one is sticky, but I’m not prissy about textures, so it’s not an issue for me. The scent and flavour is mint chocolate chip, and the plumping effect is dramatic but not in an irritating way. I want these in more shades, I just hate paying for Colourpop’s shipping to Canada because I’m a brat!

Best Luxe
Hourglass Unreal Shine Volumizing Lip Gloss in Canvas

I know I’ve written about these before, but they’re such a dream. The colour payoff of the opaque shades like Canvas or Prose feels almost like a liquiefied lipstick, but with enough shine and creaminess that it melts into lips and stays for hours, usually unheard of with a gloss. It has a subtle minty taste and scent, and makes lips look fuller thanks to hyaluronic acid and some patented, space-ace gloss technology called “Voluplip”. Cute. Canvas is the perfect warm nude rose. A very good shade to carry Hot Girl Summer into Still Hot Fall. Also cruelty-free, duh.

Honourable Mention
Stila Beauty Boss Lip Gloss in Win-Win

I will say: these have the strangest flavour. They taste like cherry cough medicine. So naturally, I’ve bumped them down to honourable mention. That said, Win-Win is a beautiful neutral shade, similar to the Hourglass gloss in Canvas but with a bit of a thinner, sheerer texture and colour pay-off. The shine factor is more natural than say, the Colourpop gloss, but still gives you some sheen and dimension. When I wear this, I get a lot of compliments, and I think this is a shade that would look gorgeous on anyone. The weird flavour isn’t enough to completely turn me off, and the gloss is pretty affordable, but I’d still reach for the others first. Still, a valiant effort from one of my favourite makeup brands.

You are now fully prepared to go forth and gloss yourselves during these trying times. Godspeed.