I Hate Writing About Hair

Hair is the worst and most boring beauty topic. Doing your own hair is the most excruciating process. Paying someone else to do it feels like throwing your money down the toilet. This is why I’ve been cutting and colouring my own hair since I was 14. Do I enjoy it? No. It’s mostly out of necessity and a lack of trusting strangers.

I’m currently in the process of trying to get my hair to grow as long as it possibly can. This mostly involves regular trims, avoiding heat styling and deliberating over spending money on 100% silk scrunchies. I want Cher hair. I want it to be shiny and beautiful and long and seductively witch-like. Thinking about how to get it to that point makes my eyes glaze over. Taking care of these dead pieces of keratin that grow out of my giant head is a process that makes me long for a millionaire’s budget. I would hire an extremely professional hairstylist to live with me and monitor my strands, and they would wash my hair while I sleep. My hair would never cross my mind again, except when I would glance in the mirror and think, “wow, my hair is incredible.” And then I would go back to doing whatever it is rich people do.

I am not rich though, and so I have to think about my stupid hair. Hair that is frizzy, and fine but also … there is so much of it. Hair that makes me resemble a sea hag if there is a drop of humidity in the air. I am forever on a mission to make it behave with as minimal interference as possible.

Enter Marc Anthony Nourishing Argan Oil of Morocco Deep Hydrating Conditioning Treatment and the Aquis Lisse Hair Towel.

My beloved mask. I won’t show you the Aquis towel, it’s covered in hair dye stains.

These two items keep my hair smooth, shiny, and manageable. The very affordable mask makes your hair smell clean and expensive, and one packet holds enough product for two treatments. I’ll use it once a week to keep everything silky without weighing down my hair, a rare feat. The first time I used it, I kept telling people to pet my hair because I couldn’t believe how soft it was. Using this mask makes my hair look like I actually put in enormous amounts of effort. I did not.

Here’s my hair after the first time I tried the mask. Not terrible!

The Aquis towel is made of highly absorbent microfibers that don’t tug on my super-fine and breakable hair. After rinsing out the argan mask, I wrap my hair in this towel for about 20 minutes to absorb the bulk of the water. Then I let my hair down, comb it into a middle parting and leave it to air dry. Once it’s almost completely dry, I’ll add a few drops of hair oil to the ends and then do the twisting technique I just learned from Liv Tyler’s little Vogue video.

So easy, such minimal effort. No carpal tunnel from holding a gigantic hair dryer. And then I can go back to focusing on the actually interesting aspects of beauty: skin care and makeup. G’bless.